Friday, June 16, 2017

What has Liam Neeson wrought?

Over the past holidays, my wife and I were traveling to Oklahoma and got bored. On her IPad, I sought out the most critically acclaimed films of the year that we needed to see. Boring. So we ventured into the worst reviewed films of the year.

Much more fun. And very eye-opening.

Several actors popped up, 3 to 4 times each, none of these films ever in theaters. I got excited, on the track of excitement.
Nicolas Cage! Bruce Willis! John Travolta! Pierce Brosnan (I always confuse him with the Perfect Strangers "Belki" guy. Anyone else?)! These actors...several academy award nominated...apparently have sunk into direct to DVD territory. The winds of change in Horrorwood.

Oddly enough, all of them appear in a crappy movie with hype like this: "Rock Hardguy is an ex Navy Seal. Bad guys have kidnapped his son. Rock won't stop 'til he gets his son back. And cause all kinds of mayhem and destruction while doing so."

Extremely jingoistic. Making movies great again!
Thank you, Liam Neeson! This guy cornered the market, made revenge a genre unto itself, just won't quit. I just saw there's a TV series based on this movie series. Good Gawd, how many times can a man's kids be kidnapped? 

The above-mentioned actors are all honing into Liam's turf. For God's sake, Keanu of all people, got into the act, violently enacting revenge for his dead dog ("Whoa.").

First of all: kids, if your dad's Liam Neeson, seek emancipation. Second, Liam, you're probably the worst father in the world. Finally, are people really watching all of these ridiculous revenge films?

And when did Liam Neeson become a bad-ass? Wasn't he kinda' a Shakespearean, hoity-toity dandy, all up in art and what-all? What's next, the brothers from "Fraser" as tough guy hit-men? "Death Wish" with affectation and a slight kick in the step?
Anyway...back to the awful film-fest. Wine helped, but didn't quite diffuse the stink. We watched Kevin Spacey turn into a cat. We groaned as John Travolta portrayed a redneck power and company man whose brother is electrocuted in a tragic line accident (and do I have to tell you when his brother dies, he raises his arms in the rain and yells, "Nooooooo!"? Sublime.). Nic Cage flew a plane while the world was whisked away to the Rapture. And we watched it all in shock and awe.

Thank you, Liam. Thanks a lot.

1 comment:

  1. Once when my husband and I were traveling, we took to watching all the Excorsist movies. They were pretty bad, but kept us entertained in our hotel room